Bricking it.
Not a day has gone by yet during this summer break where I haven't had a knot in my stomach about the dissertation. I'm already dreading it, but trying to somehow be positive and not just put it off until I have no time and I'm absolutely panicking.
The proposal that I made at the end of the last submission wasn't that well considered. It was pretty rushed and to be fair I was exhausted and drained from the 2nd year project, and the last thing that I wanted to do was think about the next year's essay. I'd come up with something that had branched off from my last CoP essay in a way, about exploitation through the media... But in all honesty I'm not that interested and the more I think about it the less I want to write about it.
I'm struggling because I feel like I'm starting to develop my own unique tone of voice with my practical work that is quite dark, but I haven't reflected this at all in my written work.
I have interests in topics outside of illustration, and the growing obesity crisis that I explored in my last essay is definitely one of them. I'm into health and fitness, food, exercise... And the debate of responsibility over obesity and what needs to be done about it by the government vs on a personal level definitely interests me too. The whole idea of promoting healthiness without "fat shaming"
I watched part of a morning programme while I was on holiday in Scotland where people were discussing the role of the government in reducing obesity in the UK; whether this is necessary or whether individuals are solely responsible for their weight and health.
There was a man who had lost loads of weight after being told he may have needed to have his foot amputated due to diabetes, and reversed some of the negative effects, meaning he was able to keep his foot and lived a much healthier life. His argument was that of course individuals are responsible but they definitely need support - he couldn't have done it without his family.
There was a doctor arguing the case that obesity related illnesses are costing the NHS millions a year, and that all of us must be made more aware of health risks related to being overweight. She also explained that our idea of a 'normal' weight is far heavier now than it ever has been.
Somebody else was explaining that some GPs have now been told that they are not allowed to explain to young children that they are obese incase it hurts their feelings.
Then there was an obese woman who was arguing that she is 100% healthy, and that suggesting anyone should lose weight is 'fat shaming'.
I was genuinely getting frustrated watching the debate, so I know it's obviously something that bothers me and that I'm opinionated about. In society today, everyone's scared of offending each other and having to be so PC. Blackboards are chalkboards, you can't say 'brainstorm' and talking about losing weight is offensive to fat people. It's so ridiculous, we're all walking on eggshells.
My issue though is that I don't necessarily want to reflect this topic in my practical work.
I think I could write about it but I don't necessarily want to draw about it...
Or maybe I'm limiting myself straight away because I can't really think of what I would draw right now, which I suppose is the point of the practical development.
The other side of it is that I don't know what question this would fit into out of the ones we were given:
What is Good? - To what extent does Social Responsibility impact on the role and function of illustration?
To what extent to individual politics of professional practitioners impact on the role and function of illustration?
In an era of globalisation, to what extent do contemporary illustration practices reflect core British Values?
To what extent do Technological developments in production and distribution impact on illustration?
To what extent does Aesthetic 'Style' reflect the context, audience and/or function of contemporary illustration?
To what extent has illustration constructed our understanding or view of historical events and perceptions of truth?
In all honesty, I still don't really understand these questions. The more I read them the more confused I get. I guess I don't get how to pick one of these if my topic isn't related to illustration.
I feel like I need to forget about this topic and come up with something that is more relevant to me as a practitioner. Something that will give me the opportunity to make work that I enjoy based on subject matter that I'm interested in. I think I need to brainstorm a lot to come up with what it is that makes me draw the way I do, or choose the themes that I choose when I make illustrations / drawings.
I'm so nervous about picking something that I lose interest in or that doesn't aid my practice. I want this dissertation to go well, but I need to be able to sink my teeth into it and care about it.
